I think I died a long time ago.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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