Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
