Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
