a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
