My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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