My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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