All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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