i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
