wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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