I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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