Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
