make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
