i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
