She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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