Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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