you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
