i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
