You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
