I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
