My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
