I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
