She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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