haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
