Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
