Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
