haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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