Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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