My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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