did you get engaged???
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
