Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
