So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We need to get me chipped asap
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
