Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
