The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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