Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
