I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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