Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
