Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
