i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
