I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
