Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
