I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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