sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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