Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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