where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
