Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
