college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ttyl tear gas
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
