Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
