I faked an abortion last night.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
