Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
