roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
