I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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