god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
