somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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