I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
