I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
