eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
