so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
